


We Write Our Own History

by Fleetwoodinflames



Series: We Write Our Own Story [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Male Friendship, Marriage Proposal, This is how the trial shoulda gone, vina is a non-canonical sassy saint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3110666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleetwoodinflames/pseuds/Fleetwoodinflames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>History is most often written by those to which it was most kind about those to which history was most...unkind. Perhaps that is why we've so often been doomed to repeat it. You and your people have an opportunity Mr. Singh that no species has ever had - to write the history that should have outlived you - the history you have lived out from the time of your creation to this present day.  Do you agree to the undertaking?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We Write Our Own History

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Starflight1701](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starflight1701/gifts).



> I don't own them, I just love them.
> 
> Just a quickie that's been worming around my head. One of those I had to write down before I lost it.
> 
> Likely not canon compliant, not beta'd, barely spell-checked.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> History is most often written by those to which it was most kind about those to which history was most...unkind. Perhaps that is why we've so often been doomed to repeat it. You and your people have an opportunity Mr. Singh that no species has ever had - to write the history that should have outlived you - the history you have lived out from the time of your creation to this present day. Do you agree to the undertaking?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written to the tune of HIM's "When Love and Death Embrace"  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC_Iy5fjQpk

PRESENT DAY

He sat with his back ramrod straight, hands in his lap, and eyes facing no one. One time, a long time ago, Kirk thought this an affectation, a posture of superiority - of smugness. Now he saw it for what it was, and wanted to reach out and comfort. He saw the anxiety, the fight-or-flight response just under the surface. His chest knotted knowing there was nothing that he could do for the man just yet. But this was it. This was a good thing. This was the end of the road. Finally, the last of the tribunals, the last of the meetings, the last of the... Just not knowing what would happen next that kept them all on edge from week to week, month to month, and... And now it's been over a year. Finally, finally the men, well, the whole crew of the Enterprise could see the light at the end of the tunnel. On top of that, the Enterprise would be ready for them. She'd been waiting a long time to take them out where they belonged - out amongst the stars; living out Starfleet's mission as it should be. As Chris wanted.

Damn, every time he thought of him he had to swallow down a lump and hold back the tears. In all honesty, Jim hoped it always would be like that. He didn't want to lose that. He was only glad the man with the impeccable posture was facing away from him.

"ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE MEMBERS OF THE JUDICIARY COUNCIL OF THE UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS." A clatter of chairs sounded as a line of twelve robed figures entered the room.

"You may be seated." The voice came from the person in the middle. The female Betazoid looked nothing if not regal in her robes signaling her as Chief Federation Councillor. Starfleet's highest ranking officer formally held the position, but had lost its seat by popular vote following the actions of Admiral Marcus. Starfleet now was banned from the Council for twenty-five years, and never again eligible for the role of chief.

The betazoid called, "Khan Noonien Singh, would you please stand."

Jim Kirk held his breath for the man now standing alone.

"Mr. Singh, please relax. This is not a sentencing hearing. That time is over and done. Please be at ease." The man nodded but left his hands behind his back in a loose parade rest posture. Jim dropped his head and smiled, knowing the Councillor asked the impossible of the man.

The Betazoid continued. "This hearing is held specifically to bring final closure to all those affected by the events in London and San Francisco just over a year ago. Those truly responsible have either paid the ultimate price for their actions, or have been sentenced. Those affected have been compensated to the best of the Federation's ability. Mr. Singh, in working directly with you and your people, the council has indeed gone where none have gone before - done what it has never done before. We truly hope that the circumstances that brought us together, never again occur to another race. Like you and your people, we were all 'first contacts' at one time or another. As such, the Council has recognized that rights afforded you and your people under the Constitution of the United Federation of Planets were stolen from you. For that, and for the subsequent treatment you and your people underwent, the Federation cannot express its regret enough. We can only hope to amend and learn from the past."

She waited. Khan Noonien Singh supposed he ought to acknowledge her speech in the silence left. "Yes, ma'am." He knew there was more to come. The Council and the Augments already agreed on the final...penance? Perhaps that was the wrong word, but that's how he would think of it. His own penance. She smiled at him, well aware of the sincerity lacking in the words, but unoffended.

"Mr. Singh, the Council has a 'unique' request. A final request if you will. History is most often written by those to whom it was most kind about those to whom it was most...unkind. Perhaps that is why we've so often been doomed to repeat it. You and your people have an opportunity, Mr. Singh, that no species has ever had - to write the history that should have outlived you - the history you have lived out from the time of your creation to this present day. Do you agree to the undertaking?”

“I do.”

“Then Mr. Singh, the Judiciary Council of the United Federation of Planets considers this matter closed, but never, ever forgotten.” She smiled at him, “You’ll see to that, won’t you Mr. Singh?”

“I will, your honor.”

“Thank you.”

Jim smiled again. They'd talked about this, the book - their book, the seventy-three. In an unheard-of-move, the UFP Council took up their case within weeks of Kirk's waking. The Judiciary Councillors and the Federation Council, incensed at the treatment of what they deemed a first contact species, regardless of their origin. Many argued that Khan Singh’s fate and the fate of his crew could’ve happened to any species.

Khan and his crew were moved to Betazed and woken slowly with the aid of the empathic species. Starfleet was nearly disbanded over the debacle, and there was even talk of the home of the president being removed from Earth. Humans were not ready for such great responsibility, some said. The Federation Council was still working through legislation ensuring a repeat of the Plight of The 73 (as the media has been calling it) could never occur again.

Now, each man and woman, each of the seventy-three, at the request of the Judiciary Council, was currently writing his or her story, their history. They were asked to leave no subject untouched, no matter the cloud cast over humanity or Augment-kind. Khan would write his story too, but his would be longer to include his time with Marcus, Section 31, and all of the events thereafter.

They told him history deserved his story, and he deserved his story told, in his way. He, in turn, promised the Council he'd leave nothing unsaid. The book would be unedited save grammar, and would be released in the native language of each of the Augments, as well as Federation Standard.

The book was nearly finished. This hearing was just a formality. Kirk had no idea why he was so nervous; he only hoped Nien couldn't sense it.

Well, Kirk thought it was nearly finished. Khan finished his last page two weeks ago. He just didn’t tell Jim that. But that’s later.

“ALL RISE.” Once the Council of Twelve filed out, there was a clamor. Jim made his way to the front where Nien and his solicitor stood. The men had an escort out the back exit and into a waiting hover vehicle ready to take them back to their apartments. They dropped Khan’s solicitor off first, shaking hands, clapping backs, and thanking profusely. The man had been a gem. He’d been recommended by Leonard McCoy’s’ divorce lawyer, and he did them proud.

Finally, Jim and Khan were at the entrance to their San Francisco apartment. Both men were mentally exhausted from the day’s events. Hand-in-hand and without a word, they walked through the phalanx of reporters and into the lift. When the lift doors closed, Khan took Kirks other hand and drew him in, wrapping his arms around him. Jim returned the gesture and ducked his head under Khan’s chin so Khan could breathe him in, in a way that always soothed him.

Too soon, and not soon enough, they broke the embrace to exit the lift into the apartment. Finally, the door to the outside world slid closed behind them. Without words, they embraced again, kissed, and just rested against each other, pushing cheek into cheek, nuzzling. Kirk still marveled at how tactile his lover was. Then they broke apart to hang jackets. Khan went to the kitchen to put on the kettle for his chai and brought out a bottle of beer for Jim, who’d already collapsed on the couch.

“I have something for you. Did you finish your reading?” Khan had brought Jim a copy of each of his crew’s stories as they’d completed them. Khan’s was last. Jim had read his section on the 20th century, but Khan had not given him the rest yet.

TWO WEEKS EARLIER

“That you Noonien? Come on in.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Don’t, thank you doctor me. You only do that when you’re nervous.”

“I assure you I am not.”

“And I assure you, I know you’re lying.”

“Touché, Leonard.”

“Yeah, thought so. Now, I suppose you want my opinion, or you wouldn’t have given that to me to read before you gave it to Jim.”

“You surmise, correctly.”

“Cut that shit out, you sound like Spock.”

He only raised an eyebrow in mock Spock style, making the good doctor guffaw. They’d come a long way, and they’d both appreciated their journey.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I am honored you trusted me with this.”

Khan heaved a breath before beginning. “I honestly don’t know if I want something from you. I suppose I do. I know that I don’t need your permission, but I want…”

“You know you have it.” McCoy held both of the Augment’s shoulders. “Of course you have it, and anything else I can give you. I know I can’t actually give him to you, but you gave him back to me and I’m… Shit I hate this stuff.” The doctor sniffed back tears. “I only wish I could give you more than that.”

“It’s not necessary, Leonard. Thank you.” It didn’t often happen, but when it did, McCoy knew what it meant. Khan drew him into an embrace and McCoy returned it with a clap on the back.

“Now get out of here; Carol and I will see you at the dinner.”

With a curt nod, Khan left.

PRESENT DAY

“Yes, dear, I’ve finished my homework.”

“Good. It’s in the study.”

“Al-All right. Do you want me to read it now?”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay.” Jim took the beer and the extended hand and rose. He bussed him on the cheek and made his way to the office. Lying on the desk was the PADD, file already open. Kirk picked it up and sat down in the easy chair and heaved a deep breath. He knew most of the story, but he never pressed Nien for more than he was willing to give, and he had an inkling of what the Augment had omitted. Khan watched him walk down the hall; he fingered the object in his pocket.

When Kirk next looked up it was 10pm. Four hours had passed, and he wasn’t sure if he’d even blinked. He ran his finger up the screen to view the last page. It was just the acknowledgment – he almost skipped over it, until he didn’t. He read it and sucked in his breath, sure it would be his last. His eyes filled with tears, and he dropped to PADD to the floor. The words stared up at him. They couldn’t be right, but there they were.

Faith, Fidelity, Love. To my husband Capt. James T. Kirk

And then he couldn’t see them and couldn’t find a goddamn tissue when he needed one. “Nien!”

Khan knew it was time. He’d been sitting ramrod straight with his tea, pacing, fumbling with his pocket, and wishing humans could read faster. Now he made his way to the office where he found his James leaning against the bookcase and trying quite unsuccessfully to stop the tears. His eyes were bloodshot, and his nose was red. “James.”

“Oh, God, do you… Is that what I think it is?”

“What do you think it is?”

“Cut the crap! Really!”

Khan reached into his pocket and brought out the little velvet box.

“Oh fuck.”

“It’s okay, James. I haven’t even gotten to the most important part.”

“Al…All right.”

Khan opened the box and withdrew a stunning, dark gold milgrain lined ring. He took James’s hand in his. “James Kirk, would you do me the great honor of becoming my husband?”

“Oh God, Nien. Y….Yes. Yeah, of course.”

Khan gave a smile so bright a thousand stars could not match it, and slipped the ring onto his captain’s hand. Then he drew him in close, cupped his face and kissed his lips. “Thank you, James.”

“Just keep doing that, baby. Please.”

“Always.”


	2. Take Your Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the morning light  
> I will wake to find you  
> Opening your eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done to the tune of Cary Brothers, "Take Your Time"  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImTk9TQ7Nu4  
> I don't own them or the captain or the king. I just love the story.
> 
> Set some time before Khan meets the Doctor for his blessing.
> 
> Take a trip back in time with me to watch the captain and the king find each other.
> 
> I didn't re-read before I posted.

**2 Months Before the Proposal**

 

**I think I said all I can say**

**Using up all my potions and spells tonight**

They sweated, they heaved, they fed each other what they had, and then they breathed each other through the heat that fed their passion.  Then they held on tight, both still too raw, too fresh, and just a little afraid of losing each other again.

"Stay, please. Stay this time.  Say you will."

"Jim, you know I don't have that.  I'm not that yet.  I just don't have it."

"I can't find what you're missing if you leave!"

"And you told me you wouldn't ask for more than I have to give you!"

“I don’t think you have any idea what you have to give.” Jim spit the words back at him much harsher than he’d intended, but he didn’t take them back – not this time.

“You think you know better than I what I am capable of?”

“That’s exactly what I think, and don’t start with the ‘I’m bred to be this and that’ stuff.  I don’t wanna hear it!  I’m tired of telling you that you’re more than the parts some lab made you with.  I don’t love a fucking Frankenstein!”  He made sure not to end his rant there.  He may be angry, but he wasn’t a dick.  “I love you.”

“I wish you didn’t.”

The words cut Kirk down, and Khan was instantly sorry he’d said them.  “James, I…I didn’t mean.”

“Then what did you mean?  Please, enlighten me.”

“I meant it would be easier for you if you didn’t.  We still don’t know what is going to happen with the trial, with our aging.”

“The fuck, Nien?  I could be cut down by a hovercar tomorrow. Any mission could be my last. And I my only regret would be that I didn’t get more time with you, you ass!  We’ve been over this, and you’re not bringing anything new to the table.”

“I have to leave; we have an early start tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to go; you want to leave, and you don’t need that much sleep.  Don’t fucking play me, Nien, I’m not an idiot.”

“I know you’re not, I’m sorry.”

“And you’re not a liar, so don’t start now.”

“Good night, Jim.”

“Get the fuck out.  I’ll see you in a few.”  Khan turned to walk, but didn’t open the door until he heard Jim say it. “I love you, you dick!” 

The Augment sighed, “I know.”  He couldn’t do it.  He knew it made him a coward.  But Jim was the strong one, and Jim didn’t let him leave without him knowing it – even when his man royally pissed him off.

**You will find out when you pull through**

**That I fought too**

**So take your time close your eyes**

The captain closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to spill.  Fuck, he hadn't cried about this, not yet.  They'd both spilled so many tears already, over other things, and he was tired of it.  They deserved it.  They earned together, and he couldn't see why the Augment wouldn't give himself this gift.  Give him to them.

Khan went straight to Starfleet Academy.  He couldn’t bear to close his eyes tonight.  Didn’t want to hear Jim’s voice or see his eyes pleading for him to stay.  He knew the fight wasn’t about tonight or any night.  It was rare, but he’d stayed over before.  That’s not what Jim meant.  What he meant was what Khan wished he had to give him, but he knew the pain later on would be too much.  They’d both lost nearly everyone they loved; both had so much taken.  Khan didn’t want to be the one to take himself away from Jim – that would be impossible if he didn’t give himself to him in the first place. Hell, he even lied to himself; if he didn’t give himself Jim then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so badly if he lost Jim.  He just wasn’t ready to say he was kidding himself.

Kirk lay back remembering what brought them here.

**Six months earlier**

**I will be there here with you**

**They may be right I may be foolish**

**But I will wait for you**

**Skin is so pale I see through**

**Bones are like glass they won’t let me touch you**

He’d sat every day with the Augment for a month now, and today was the day.  He was nervous.  Speaking telepathically, just letting the Augment feel his presence wasn’t so strange now.  And they were…fucked if he knew, they were something different together.  He’d come at the request of the Federation Judiciary, who were working closely with the Betazoids on The 73’s case.  Mostly on Khan though.  He balked at first, but that was before he realized he had nowhere else to go.  Starfleet was in shambles; the Federation halted all exploratory missions for the foreseeable future and honestly, Jim was so disgusted with Starfleet that he’d written and deleted his resignation three times already.  So he got on the shuttle.

It was in that first briefing on Betazed that he’d learned the Augments, The 73’s new fate.  Definitely a step up from their last digs and the treatment was better.  All of them were immediately removed from cryostasis and put into a more comfortable and safer state of suspended animation.  In this type of sleep, Betazoids and the Vulcans assigned to assist them, spoke to each of the Augments.  They explained where they were; how they got there, and then slowly explained <i>when</i> they were and how it was.  The universe was much smaller than it had been three hundred years ago.  Some took it better than others.  For those more difficult, a Vulcan was brought in along with another suspended Augment so that the Vulcan could facilitate the sharing.  The Augments were encouraged to be with each other and seek comfort and assurance from one another.  And then one by one, in safety, gently, the way it should have been done, the Augments were woken and allowed to assist in the waking of each other over a period of weeks.

Khan was last.  His rehabilitation took much longer than the others, and even the Betazoids and Vulcans were visibly shaken by his treatment at the hands of Starfleet. A few blamed human emotional immaturity specifically and lobbied for the transfer of Starfleet HQ off of Earth.  The humans didn’t deserve the privilege, they said.

Khan didn’t believe them, didn’t believe anything they told him, not even from the Vulcans.  They could manipulate words.  Give you the truth and then blow it up in your face.  Insisted he was dreaming when Joaquin was brought in.  There were only two people who didn’t lie to him.  The captain and the doctor.  One may have stunned the shit out of him, but that was honestly a wise, tactical move; no promises were made that were broken.  And that was who Khan insisted he would believe. ‘Bring me the captain.’ And so the captain came.  And the captain stayed.

And then one day in a session with one of the Vulcans assigned…They’d done this plenty of times before; they were brought together, saw one another, talked and shared with the assistance of the Vulcan.  Many things, anything.   Together they’d shared their pain in childhood, in the death of loved ones.  They understood forging a family had little to do with blood and everything to do with love and loyalty.  The Vulcan’s sessions felt more real than the Betazoid sessions, and once they could open up to each other, well, they had little choice, and once they could, they found that they enjoyed each other’s company here.

But one day...He didn’t even mean to…James lay down next the Augment as he’d done each session over the last month, and he reached out and hooked two of Khan’s fingers in his own.  Didn’t realize he’d done it.  Khan noticed.  Rather, he felt something different about this connection through the Vulcan than he had in previous sessions.

“James, something…What is different James?”

“Whatdoyamean?  Are you all right?”

“It’s…I’m warmer I think.  What are they…?”

“Nothing!  Nothing, I promise.  Everything is the same.  Same room, same equipment.”  The captain did as he’d been taught and reassured the Augment.  The Vulcan’s job was only to facilitate the link and otherwise remain impassive, but he didn’t.  Both men received the image when the Vulcan looked down to the joined hands.

Problem, or maybe not problem, was that this far under, Kirk was unable to wilfully move his body, and Khan certainly couldn’t, so they stayed that way.  And they stayed quiet.  That was a conversation killer, until it wasn’t.

They felt the link fade; the Vulcans and Betazoids didn’t announce when a session was over, just let the link slowly disappear, enough for each man to acknowledge and reassure the other that he’d be back.  They didn’t do that next time; they did just a little more.

“I’m s-s-so sorry.  I didn’t mean…”

“It’s all right, James.”  And he felt the Augment squeeze his fingers in reassurance.  Well, as much as one could feel when inside his own head.  It was all in his head, but it was there.

“All right then.  I’ll be back.  Sleep well.”

“I know you will.  Thank you.”

**Pray to the sky I wanna see a proof**

**Why’d he choose you?**

**So take your time the odds are high**

And now the captain was a little afraid.  Not of the Augment lying still next to him.  They were well past that now, but the captain might, might have fallen just a little.  Perhaps it was just a little bit of caring for someone who could not do so for himself, but a little bit of him hoped it wasn’t.  All right, he was a lot afraid.  So much so the staff insisted on a hypo in order to reduce the amount of stress on the Augment during the waking process.

The Vulcan positioned himself between the men.  The distance between them necessary in case Khan flailed about.  He likely wouldn’t be able to control his strength.  James hated the distance.

“You came.”

“Every day, man.  You ready?”

“You’re fuzzy.”

“Might be a little drugged.  They wanted to make sure my nerves didn’t affect you.”  In his brain, Khan smiled at that.  That was new.  Jim didn’t think he’d ever seen that.  He was quite sure he liked it and wanted to see more of that.  That’s what he was afraid of losing all – this.  He had five.  Five of the best friends a man could ask for, but it was different.  He commanded those friends; the relationship was not always on equal ground.  He led; they followed.  Sometimes begrudgingly, but always, always willingly.  Khan met him where he was, and he met Khan where he was, the footing always equal.  Well, always equal in here.  Out there – he just didn’t know.

**But I believe in you**

**They may be right I may be foolish**

 

“It’s happening now James.”

“I know, man.  Just relax, and we’ll come out of this together.  Everything was the same when I came in.  They walked me through the whole process several times so that you could see what I saw, in case you needed it.  They turned the heat up and covered you with warming blankets to mitigate the shock.  It’s just the way you asked, Kati and Joaquin are at the controls, and I’m in here.”

“What am I when I wake up, James?”  There was pleading, and it hurt him to know that he hurt.

**There may be some design**

**But I will wait for you**

“You are your own man.  We have work still, but you are yours now.  But you are more than that.  You are exactly what we are.  We love and lead those in our charge.  They still need you.”

James almost didn’t hear him say, “And what about you?”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I am grateful for you, but you and I can’t hide in here anymore, now can we?  I have to make a life for me and mine, and you have to go back to yours.”

“I’m not hiding.”

“Not much longer, James.”

“I’m NOT…I’m not hiding.  And we’re not finished.  I’m not ready to be finished yet, are you?”

“That’s better, James.  No, I’m not finished either.”

“Good.  You feel that?”

“It’s time.”

“I know.”

**2 Months Before Proposal**

Kirk cringed; he could still hear Khan’s roar in his ear when he woke up.  It was like he was watching himself.  He watched himself leap, and he might have smirked just a bit that he got around the Vulcan.  He leaped, and he grabbed and he wrapped his arms as tight as he could around the Augment and tucked the top of Khan’s head under his chin, hugging him with his whole body.  “I have you.  I got you, Noonien.  Long as you need.”

Khan reached up.  One arm grasping at Kirk’s arm and one arm reaching behind Kirk’s neck, pressing him closer.  He turned his head into Kirk’s neck and breathed deeply.  A little too fast, but…

**I am here to fight**

**For only love decides**

Fuck!  He wasn’t going to cry, not over this.  Because he wasn’t losing this one.  Not this time.  He would not let him be Sam or Winona or anyone else he’d lost.  He damn well did know better than Mr. Ramrod, what Mr. Ramrod was capable of.  He saw him; every bit of him, inside and out.  And then he took him inside himself, he drank him up.  There was no place he hadn’t touched and no place his man had not touched him.  And he’d be damned if he was giving any of that up.

**I am here to fight**

**For only love decides**

So he jumped, nearly as quickly as he did that day six months ago and with much the same intention.  He threw on his pants, shirt, and shoes and ran.  It was four miles to the Academy and he was sure he broke his college time running every one of those miles.  He threw open the doors to the School of Engineering and Technology and took the stairs three at a time.  “Nien!  Stop hiding!  Get out here!”

**I am here to fight**

**For only love decides**

“Dammit, James.  What are you doing here?”

“I’m gonna win a no-fucking-win situation.  What do you think I’m doing here, genius?"

“And how do you propose to do that?”

“I haven’t gotten that far yet.  Gimme a minute!”  He scrunched his face up as if trying to work out a Scotty math problem. “Nien, I’m not…I’m not finished.”

“I’m not finished yet either, James.  You know I’ll be back.”

“That’s not what I mean.  I mean I’m not finished.  I love you, you know that.  But I’m not finished with it.  I’m not at the end of it.  I have more and so do you.”

“Of course I do.”

“But you won’t give it to us.  You’re hiding from it.”

“I know that.”

“Stop!  Stop paying penance, stop this self-flagellation.  You think you’re protecting yourself, but you're hurting yourself holding back, I can see it.  You’re hurting me holding back.  You’re not protecting me, and I thought that’s what we did for each other.  And you’re hurting what could be us.  We’re not a Frankenstein.  We’re not two sewn-together broken pieces trying to make a whole of something.  We were never that.  All right we might be broken, but we make something else.  Something better than both of us.  That’s what I meant, you giant idiot.”

“What did you mean?”

“You know for a genius, you’re damn dull sometimes.  I do know you better; I know that you are greater than the sum of your DNA because I’ve watched you become the man you always were under it all.  I watched you as you ripped and tore off the fear, the death, and the wars that twisted you all up inside.  I’ve watched and loved every minute as you made us greater than we were.  None of that has anything to do with the sum of… Shit."

Khan remained quiet while Kirk tried to recall the words he comforted the Augment with so many months ago.  “You’re no one’s petri dish.  You are your own man.  There’s more for us, but you are your own.  I want you; I want us.  I want you to come back, come home.  Shit, if you want neutral territory, we can move.  I don’t care.  But this one’s your call.  I’ll always stay; I’ll always be there when you come back, but I won’t stop fighting because I know you.  I see you. You’re always more.  You are to me."

**In the morning light**

**I will wake to find you**

**Opening your eyes**

Notes:

Hope you enjoyed this one. Bit different style than Write Our Own History.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this one. Bit different style than Write Our Own History.


	3. In Every Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Change is the essential process of all existence. We, you and I brother, have changed, haven’t we?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written to Christina Perri's "A Thousand Years"  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00  
> How has no one made a Khirk vid to this!
> 
> So not canon and Vina Pike makes an appearance as an absolute saint.

**One Month Before the Day**

Lunch with Spock. Good company, but altogether – unfulfilling. While Khan and Spock poured over the menu, Jim noticed only what was missing. Edible. Not green.

But before that.

Jim knew he’d be found out before he set foot through the door.  And he was.

“Captain, I believe congratulations are in order.”

“You noticed.”

“Indeed. Congratulations gentlemen.”

You can’t actually feel a smirk, but an Augment’s smirk is, well, augmented.  Jim could definitely feel that smirk. “Thank you Spock.”

“It is quite, beautiful would be the appropriate adjective. Was it Khan’s choice?”

“It was Spock.” Khan cut in.  “Indian gold. I thought it suited him.”

Jim blushed just a bit – not like blushing bride blushing, just blushing.

“Awesome, can we go in now?”

They ordered drinks, made small talk about their temporary duty assignments and the Enterprise’s readiness. But where Khan could meander seamlessly through and around conversation, Jim just looked like there was something on the tip of his tongue.  The good captain couldn’t hide anything; it wasn’t his way.

“Jim, am I correct in assuming you and Noonien came to tell me of your engagement?”

“Of course you are, Spock. You are our second stop. Apparently, Noonien made sure to get the good doctor’s blessing before he asked me.  Now of course, I’m getting shit about being the bride.”  He felt it again, damn augmented smirking.

“You told me before Nyota. Do you think that was wise?” He was asking both the men now.

By the looks of it, they hadn’t thought of that, for all of the genius that they shared between them.

“We…We didn’t think of that.” Did Khan sound worried? Jim knew they were in trouble now.

“She will likely strike you, then kiss you both; in that order.”

“Yeah, thanks for that, Spock.”

“Jim, you look – anticipatory. There is a tradition, th’yla, is here not? To stand with a friend on the day of his nuptial. You are here to…”

“Spock, hold on.  Y-Yes, I – I asked Bones to stand with me.”

A Vulcan’s face rarely fell.  It rarely did anything below the eyebrows, but Spock’s most definitely – fell. “That is logical; he has known you longer, and he has saved your life. He is a good man, a good choice.”

Khan knew it was his turn. This part was for him. “Brother?”  Spock turned toward him, his face a mask now. “Brother, listen to me.  James asked Bones to stand with him, and it is good.”  He reached over the table with his right hand to hook his thumb through the Vulcan’s left then grasped his whole hand and tightly in his.  This was their embrace.  Khan taught him this ‘brother’s embrace’ he called it – from his time, when they had made their peace so many months ago. “I want you to stand with me.”

Spock’s breath hitched in his throat and he blinked quickly.  “Noonien, I…” He inhaled deeply before continuing. “Change is the essential process of all existence. We, you and I brother, have changed, haven’t we? With all of the facts of our existence, logically, this change should not have occurred.”

Khan acquiesced that fact, nodded his head and allowed Spock to continue.

“In point of fact, we know that this change did not occur, but the logical course played out in another time. Jim, you changed the conditions.”

Jim smiled, but it was Khan who responded. “No, it was you who changed the conditions Spock.  It was you who kept James from firing those torpedoes; it was you who saved me, you who saved my people, you who brought me to Jim that he might live.” He gave the Vulcan’s hand a squeeze, cognizant of its meaning and appreciative that he had this with Spock now.  This embrace was theirs alone.

Spock slowly brought his free hand up to cover their joined fist. “Noonien, you have been and always will be, my friend – in every time.”

And Jim’s smile shone brighter than the ring on his finger.

Until his lunch came.

**One Week Before the Day**

The door slid open before he even had a chance to ring.

“Jimmy! It’s wonderful to see you!” The lovely slight woman threw her arms around the captain’s neck as though she were a child welcoming her father home.

“Vina, good to see you too.” They gave each other a final squeeze then broke apart.

“Come in, come in.  She disappeared into the apartment quickly.  “Beer?” she called from the kitchen.

“Definitely, thanks.”

She reappeared just as quickly and handed him his beer before taking a healthy swallow of hers. She gave him a minute – let him get that faraway look he always got when he came here for just a bit. She never let him wallow too long.  After a bit she sat beside him and put her hand on his knee. “So, you ready?” Jim told her _after_ they had Nyota over for dinner. The only consolation was that Spock was not going to hear the end of that for at least a month. 

He finally snapped out of his reverie, “Mmmm, more than.”

“Good, that’s good.”

“Vina, I know it’s a lot to ask, but will you come?”

“Not yet, Jim.  I know it’s right, and I know it’s good.  I know he’s good, and he’s damn good for you so don’t screw that up.  But I’m not ready for it yet.”

“I understand.”

“Jim – just…Just don’t stop asking me, okay?  I’ll come around.  Promise.”

“Alright.”

“Jim, I forgive him and I love you.  You know that right.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Good, now come with me.  I hope you don’t already have something borrowed, do you?”

“Borrowed?”

“Yeah, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue?  Come on, the bride needs to know these things.”

“Oh Vina, that is a seriously low blow, come on now.  And why does everyone think I’m the bride?”

She laughed.  She still didn’t do it that often, but with Jim she almost always did.  She pushed him to sit on the edge of the bed.  “Sit here, I have something for you.”  She went to the closet and reached in.

Jim sat down on the bed, curiosity peaked. He was terrible at surprises; one of those kids who had to sneak a peek at the presents.  And curiously there was an empty picture frame on the bed beside him.

Vina Pike came back with a black velvet bag in her hand and plopped down beside him. “These were Chris’s.  I…she took a long swallow and looked up to the ceiling.  “I thought you could…” She wiped her eyes with the back of her finger. “Shit this is hard.” She grabbed his hand and held it palm up.  With the other she tipped the bag to drop two objects into his hand.  He looked down.

“Oh God, Vina, I can’t.  That’s too much.”

“Shut up, Jim, you know as well as I do that there is no one in the world he’d rather have these.”

“It’s his captain’s insignia; he wore these on the Enterprise.”

“I know that.  I want you to have them.  I want you to wear them when you get married, and I want you to wear them on that ship.”

Was everyone bound and determined to make him cry?  At least he was in good company because her tears flowed as abundantly as his now.  He wrapped his arms around her waist and laid his head on her shoulder.

“Oh, wait.  You’re going to crush it.”  She snatched the bag that had fallen between them, reached in and withdrew a picture – not much bigger than wallet size.  It was a picture of him and Pike.  Kirk’s eyes were closed; he was laughing.  Chris had him in a mock headlock, and he was kissing the top of Jim’s head.  Graduation day.  One of the best days of his life.

“Thank you.  Thank you, thank you Vina.  You know, Pike was never wrong.  Well, except poker – he sucked. But he was never wrong when it counted. He sure as hell wasn’t wrong about you.”

“He said he wasn’t wrong about you either, even after they took your ship – he knew he wasn’t wrong about you.  Said he wasn’t going to have his ship back for long – Kirk’ll have her back.”

“Are you sure.”

“Shut up, Jimmy. Of course I’m sure.  And I’m sure it’s time for you to go, sugar isn’t it?”

“Mmm, yeah.”  He gave her waist one more squeeze, stood up and helped her to her feet.

**The Day**

The Enterprise was where their story began.  Well, really it was Q’onos, but they sure as hell were not getting married there, so the Enterprise then.  The arboretum was breathtaking.  Kirk couldn’t believe he used words like breathtaking even in his head.  No wonder they thought he was the bride.

It didn’t help that Bones would walk him to Khan’s side.  But he went with it.  Noonien wanted a bit of 20th-century tradition, and James was more than happy to acquiesce and just go with it.  And if that meant asking Nyota to tie a thick black satin ribbon into a lovely bow around the top of his left thigh.  Well, you want tradition? James T. Kirk will give you tradition and with all the confidence and swagger he could muster.  He had that in spades, as they say.

Until he didn’t.  The mustering and swaggering and breath left him because when the good captain in his dress best saw his king, he was pretty well rooted where he stood – bad arboretum puns aside.

Set phasers on stun, aim, and fire and the captain wouldn’t have known the difference.  Noonien stood under the largest tree set at the back of the arboretum beside Spock.  He was dressed in a deep maroon sherwani made of brocade silk (Kirk had just learned this word perusing wedding garb with Noonien) with intricate gold embroidery over one shoulder and around each cuff.  The bespoke sherwani showed off Noonien’s long elegant lines and fell just above the knee.  Black trousers and shoes completed the ensemble.  A black brocade silk sash draped over his right arm; same as the gold brocade sash draped over Jim’s arm.

But if he thought his groom was any less overcome, he was very. Sorely. Mistaken.  Khan was once a man in uniform.  A man in uniform ought to be the embodiment of strength, courage, honor, commitment, and heart.  And his man in uniform was every one of those things and so much more.  It didn’t hurt that he was beautiful to boot, as if he were made out of every sun he’d ever seen – his eyes, the blue of every sky he’d ever gazed upon.  Made all the more clear as he and the doctor made their way down the aisle (for just a second he worried James wouldn’t make the walk, the way he stopped and stared).  Now this was a bit backward, but when they first met, it was James who came to Khan on the Klingon planet, and so they did it this way again

With his arm in McCoy’s, he made his way to his groom – and if he leaned a bit on the doctor that was just fine.  That’s what the doctor was there for.  When they reached Khan and Spock, Leonard turned to embrace Jim with an arm around his shoulders and the other cupping the back of his head below his cover.  Tearfully, he placed a kiss on his cheek.  Then, quite surprisingly, because the good doctor pointedly does not go about kissing just anyone, he did the same to Khan and then moved aside.

When the men had recovered from their bit of shock, they turned to one another.  Jim placed his gold sash around Khan’s neck and smoothed it down.  Khan bowed his head to his groom and placed his black sash around Jim’s shoulders and smoothed it down over the front of his uniform.  Then they grasped each other’s hand and turned to Commodore Robert Wesley.

“Chris’d be proud you know.” The Commodore spoke only loud enough to be heard by the four men.

“Thanks, now don’t make me cry.”

At that, Leonard’s shoulders shook trying to hold in a laugh. “Bride,” he huffed out.

“Dick!” Jim hissed back at him with no malice.

Wesley cleared his throat just loud enough to snap Jim’s attention back to where it ought to be. “Members of Starfleet, crew of the Enterprise, friends and family.” Bob Wesley made sure he made eye contact with every surviving member of Botany Bay when he said ‘family’.  He let them know that he meant it.  “We are here to celebrate the union of two great men of the Federation – Captain James Tiberius Kirk and Khan Noonien Singh.  Their story is the stuff of legends, but it won’t ever be just that because their story is a true one.  These two men found each other, saved the world, and then saved each other.” Bob Wesley paused there and considered his next words. “With the help of a good doctor.  Anyway, it is lucky for us all, that they’ve decided to keep doing just that.”

The crowd got a good laugh out of that as well as a beet red, good doctor.  But if his smile was any evidence, he didn’t mind one bit.

“The grooms have written their own words for each other, so without further adieu, I give them the floor.”

The captain found the former fugitive, so the captain went first.  He turned to the man who would have him and took both of his hands in his.  “Noonien, Ambassador Spock told my crew once that we met and we fought at great cost.  We knew what he meant.  I thought then that if we were enemies in one time than we were destined to be for all times.  You taught me more, you taught me different.  You taught me that I could love you here.  And that’s why I know that I will love you for all time, in all times.  I want you to know, I’d bear that cost a thousand times if it got us here.  Would you have me for all time?”

“I will, James.”

“Thank you.” Because what else could he say.  Spock handed the captain the ring that matched his own.  The captain then looked his groom in the eye, slipped the ring on his finger and said, “With this ring, and with all that I am, I thee wed.”  And then ever the impatient one, he tilted his chin up to place a kiss on Khan’s forehead.

Khan took a moment and grinned at him.  No, that wasn’t a grin; that was his eye fuck look.  Oh dear Lord. “Captain…” And the devious little shit said his rank in his sex and chocolate voice and Jim was sure everyone knew it.  All of the sudden his uniform was way too hot and his trousers were on their way to way too tight.  That evil bastard.  God, he loved him.

 “James T. Kirk.  You are the bravest, kindest, and wisest human being – being that I now have the good fortune of sharing my life with.  But it wasn’t fortune that brought us together.  It was you doing what is right and good and just.  I am quite sure, if Ambassador Spock is to be believed – and he is – that you are just that way, in every time.  And if the good, right and just is not done, you will bend men and history until it is.  I am both – man and history. And I am proof.  I am not strong or good.  But you make me want to be.  You make me want to try harder – to be more for my people – our people, our family.  For you.  I believe, in every time, you will make me right.  I will want to be more for you.  I will love you.  Would you have me, James, for all time?”

“Oh God, yes.  Every time.”  Kirk pulled his right hand away to wipe at his eye but left his left in Noonien’s. 

Spock handed Noonien the ring that he’d proposed with and slipped it on the Captain’s finger.  “Then Captain James Kirk, with this ring, with all that I am and all that I have to give, I thee wed.”

Then Dr. McCoy and Spock lifted the sashes from the shoulders of the men they were charged with and tied them around their joined hands, then stepped back.

The Commodore probably had not stopped smiling since Kirk opened his mouth.  “Then by the power vested in my by the United Federation of Planets, I now pronounce you husband.  You may kiss your groom.”

And they did to the whoops, and cheers, and tears of all that loved those men most in all the worlds.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did just a smidge of research on Indian wedding tradition. At the beginning of the ceremony, the bride and groom exchange garland. I replaced the garland with a sash in a color that represents the both of them. In an Indian wedding it is often the groom who walks the aisle to the bride, but I wanted Kirk at the back walking to Khan. And then I just think the hand tying thing is cool tradition. Writer's liberties, I suppose.
> 
> Well dear friends and fans of Khirk, thank you for supporting my first foray into fanfiction. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Make sure you kudos, comment and support the few Khirk writers. There aren't enough and we must show them our love and appreciation. Love to Starflight, Itheliel, Botany, Nurse, Blueracoon and all you other lovely, lovely writers that inspire the rest of us

**Author's Note:**

> Debating on continuing this on a backwards timeline. Hope you enjoyed the little one-off. 
> 
> Thanks Marion. I wouldn't have ever considered writing something like this if not for you.


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